disclaimer: Star Wars and its characters are owned by George Lucas and Lucasfilm, Ltd.

Pre-ROTS during the Clone Wars

Somewhere in the Outer Rim...

"Anakin! If you pull that stunt ONE more time, I am going to take that starfighter and shove it up your---"

"Master? Is that ANGER I detect in your voice? Anger leads to the Dark Side." Anakin replied in his best Yoda impression.

"So does my boot on the backside of your head." Obi-Wan deadpanned.

"Sarcasm or metaphor?"

"You haven't figured the two out yet?"

"You're the brains, I'm the brawn remember?" Anakin reminded his once master though he himself, actually had rather high intellect. He just tended to rely more on his physical and Force abilities when in active combat.

"What more could I expect from a podracer from Tatooine."

"HEY!"

"Did I hit a sore spot?"

"Just wait until we land. I'll show you sore." Anakin growled.

"Is that a threat my once padawan?"

"Yes SIR! Directly SIR! Wouldn't have it any other way SIR!" Anakin shot back, this time with an impression of a Clone Trooper.

"Well, you need more lightsaber practice anyway. Otherwise, you'll have more scars on that pretty face of yours."

".....hey, you think my face is pretty?" Anakin spoke after a brief moment of thought.

"Pretty ugly."

"You're full of it today aren't you Master?"

"Full of what?" Obi-Wan asked genuinely curious.

"Bantha dung."

"I walked right into that one." Obi-Wan remarked and if he weren't wearing a comm device, he would've smacked his own head.

"Fresh and smelly too. Seeing how we are getting nowhere verbally assulting each other, why don't we place a little wager on our 'differences?'"

"It is unJedi-like to gamble Anakin."

"So is everything else I do. So sue me. Wait, I own nothing so you can't sue me. Regardless, I'm not suggesting gambling, just a hedge-bet of say, dinner at Dex's upon our return to Coruscant?"

"If you win, you'll have to wait. I can't afford your eating habits."

"You saying I eat too much?" Anakin asked.

"You said it, I didn't."

"My eating habits are what make me what I am and what you're not."

"Unhealthy?" Obi-Wan replied.

"You're sick more often than I am Master. I don't eat at Dex's everyday like you do."

"No you don't. You seem to spend more time with say, Senatorial cuisine?"

No response from Anakin. Obi-Wan smirked. He'd won yet another verbal duel against his once-padawan.

Moments later Anakin finally spoke, but his voice was completely serious now.

"Bogeys in atmosphere below...looks like vulture droids. Twenty in lead. Seven in rear...likely armed with Buzz-droids."

"Perhaps we're onto Grievous again."

"Or we're simply excavating yet another one of his abandoned hiding holes."

"What's wrong Anakin, you don't like mucking through knee-high mud and sewage?"

"Leave your hobbies to yourself."

"Better than sand?" Obi-Wan pushed.

"Anything is better than sand."

"Even dung?"

"Even dung with dead rotting corpses in it. At least it all comes off. Sand doesn't." Anakin added in elaboration.

"Perhaps, but I think your stench would be offensive to a certain Senator."

"Do you always go there?" Anakin nearly whined.

"It shuts you up doesn't it?"

"......................"

"My point exactly." Obi-Wan responded to himself as he watched the younger Jedi Knight's starfighter dip and slide into the lead. "What are you doing?"

"I know how much you hate flying. I figured I'd take all these off your hands. I'd be doing so regardless anyway."

"But shouldn't we formulate a plan first?"

"My starfighter only seats one. If yours is shot to pieces, what will you be flying home in?" Anakin shot back.

"You assume too much."

"And you assume too little."

"Guess it's what makes us the perfect team eh?" Obi-Wan muttered as he watched his once wingmate turned lead open his winglets and opened fire upon the approaching droid ships.

Seconds later, Obi-Wan was thrust into the heat of fire himself. Suddenly something yellow smacked his cockpit window. "What was THAT!?" Arfour beeped an answer. It was one of Anakin's starfighter winglets. "Oh, this is going well." Obi-Wan sarcastically replied to himself before switching over his comm. "Anakin, missing something?"

"Ooops."

"Ooops? Is that a good ooops or a I'm-in-deep-dung-ooops-but-not-going-to-admit-it-oops?" Obi-Wan asked quickly with concern lining his voice.

"Hang on. I'll get back to you on that."

"Don't tell me to hang on! You could be vaporized in a millisecond! Do you wish me to assist?" Obi-Wan yelled into the comm, a hint of desperation in his voice despite all his efforts to remain calm. Anakin had a way of 'forcing' emotions out of the usually stoic, impassive Jedi Master.

"Uhhh...I suppose. I have a few, well, technical difficulties at this point in time."

"How technical?"

"Losing starboard hydraulics. Artoo can't seem to compensate for all the damage."

"How'd you manage this to occur?"

"Lecture later. Just get these last few tri-fighters from shooting off the rest of my damaged wing!" Anakin replied with a sense of urgency within his tone.

"Tri-fighters!? I thought you said they were just----"

"I said looks like, I didn't confirm tha---"

Obi-Wan growled. There were some things his ex-padawan just didn't seem to want to learn and some things the Jedi Master just didn't feel like constantly reminding him of. Hitting the thrusters on his own starfighter, Obi-Wan edged into a decent firing angle for the three on Anakin's tail. He cleared two. The third peeled off before he could vaporize it.

"You missed one."

"And thank you to you too."

"I didn't---"

"That fighter is your LIFE Anakin...try not to get it shot up anymore." Obi-Wan remarked with a grin. This was his modified lecture from the lightsaber one he'd repeated to Anakin so often that it nearly seemed like a daily prayer.

Obi-Wan grinned to himself when he heard a low growl through the communicator. He then noticed Anakin stand his fighter onto its port wing. "What are you doing Anakin?"

"Flying. My starboard hydraulics are now gone. Sideways flies best...I guess."

"You guess or you hope?"

"I'll get back to you on that. Oh, and watch out behind you. That last fighter is on your ass now."

"Oh, is that all? No problem. This is where the FUN begins." Obi-Wan replied, doing his own version of an Anakin-impression. He then flipped his fighter into a gentle looping roll, allowing the tri-fighter to see Anakin's limping ship. It was easier prey than the one it had just targeted. Sure enough, the tri-fighter left Obi-Wan alone and went in for the easy kill of the other Jedi starfighter.

"I'm BAIT!?" Anakin shot into the comm as his warning sensors and Artoo blared the presence of the tri-fighter targeting his own ship now.

"Sure are. 'Bout time you saw it from that side for once." Obi-Wan said through a strained voice as his fighter went into a sharp arc and realigned itself to the rear of the tri-fighter. He could hear Anakin muttering a string of not-so-Jedi-like words through the comm. Before replying to his slightly ticked off partner, Obi-Wan vaporized the remaining tri-fighter. "Now, what was that Anakin? Could you repeat? Over."

"It's nothing I'd wish to repeat Master."

"I didn't think so. Now, what's that score again? I think I'm getting closer to your 'save' score."

"Fine, fine. Look, I owe you dinner at Dex's okay. Now, can we focus on the mission at hand?" Anakin's anxious voice returned. He wanted to land. He wanted to fix his ship. And most of all, he wanted some action and adventure. All of which were on the planetary surface below.

"Don't like it much when the situation is reversed do you...Chosen One...Hero With No Fear?"

"Shut up Negotiator before I put your ship in a similar state."

"That would be friendly fire and a criminal offense Anakin."

"All's fair in war Master."

And for once, Anakin may have won a verbal duel against his former Master.

"Obi-Wan, can you lead me down? I have a slight cockpit issue here."

"And what is a 'slight' cockpit issue?"

"Smoke is filling the cockpit. I guess the wires are burning through the main casings within the frame itself." Anakin replied as his voice muffled due to the application of a protective gas mask.

"Try not to mess up that ship anymore Anakin. Or you'll be walking home."

"Tell me something I DON'T KNOW!"

"Okay...you don't know the difference between sarcasm and a metaphor." Obi-Wan replied calmly.

"You're NOT helping here!"

"Sure I am. The more distracted you are, the better you seem to be flying that wreck." Obi-Wan calmly replied.

"I'd like to see you enter atmosphere sideways with a partially unresponsive ship and a smoke-filled cockpit."

"I wouldn't even try."

"Exactly."

Moments later, Obi-Wan was beside his partner. He flared his landing lights and proximity beacons so Anakin could have view of his fighter through the smoke-filled cockpit.

"What? No line about using the Force?" Anakin shot into the comm as the sudden silence was proving unnerving and suggesting that the situation was all too serious for his own liking.

"Redundant. If you're not in the Force at this time, you'd be a burning scrap heap in a billion pieces right now."

As the atmosphere and gravity of the planet tugged and pulled on his faltering ship, Anakin folded down the remaining winglets. The ship immediately rattled its protest, as did Artoo. "Artoo...it can't be helped. The vibrations were going to shake us apart. Yes, I KNOW we are unstable. We were like that already. Just focus on keeping the last remaining functions running."

Land drew ever nearer when Obi-Wan decided it was time for a plan. "How exactly are you going to land that? The landing gear won't work very well if you're sideways and---"

"I'll flip it at the last moment and belly it. So let's find someplace relatively soft so more pieces don't fall off. Landing gear won't work anyway. That system is down."

"Any more systems you need to tell me about that were neglected before?"

"Yeah, I really need to take a leak."

"I wasn't asking about YOUR systems."

"You weren't exactly specific." Anakin groaned.

"Details. Details. Look, I see a patch of grassland that is far enough from our ground target. We'll land there then find other means to continue our mission."

"I can't look. I see nothing but haze and that blinking pale white light on your ship's ass-end."

"You sure that blinking pale white light isn't your runway to the afterlife?" Obi-Wan asked inquisitively.

"Can't be. You're still here."

"Just checking."

Land ahead...I'll count down the distances. What point do you wish me to call 'flip?'"

"At a height our starfighters are long." Anakin replied in his typical racer mentality. Anakin rarely used exact numbers in his measurements. They always seemed to be visual comparisons of something. Racers didn't have time to take down numbers or exact measurements. And neither did starfighter pilots bringing down a screaming, barely controllable, injured ship.

"Roger that.Calculating now. Stay tuned for my cue."

Seconds later...

"On my mark nooowwww....FLIP!"

Anakin immediately fought and forced his fighter onto its normal upright position. A mere second later, its belly smeared across the ground beneath it. Obi-Wan hovered to a soft landing once Anakin's ship slid to a complete stop. Both exited their cockpits simultaneously and walked over to the damaged side of Anakin's fighter. Artoo popped himself out and beeped. He sounded 'relieved' to be out of his little pod in the fighter for once.

"I can fix most of it." Anakin said as he surveyed the damage.

"Most? Not all?"

"I can't exactly fish that winglet out of space now can I?"

"I suppose not."

"I can rewire and realign the hydraulic lines...feed the port and starboard sides so that they cross reference each other." Anakin remarked with the professional tone of a seasoned professional mechanic.

"That works? It won't short the port out?"

"I'm not sure. But, it's the best solution I have. I don't exactly see a repair bay anywhere here."

"And you thought I'd be the one with the crippled ship."

"Fine, I'll scratch that line from useage...for now. Your ship is still a piece of junk. Why don't you requisition a newer one?" Anakin replied as he sought a change in subject.

"I"m used to ol' Betty here."

Anakin quirked an eyebrow. "Ol' Betty?"

"Ancient tradition...naming fighters after females. I would guess yours to be...say...Padme, though she seems a bit more roughed up than she usually is?"

Anakin raised a finger in warning. What he really wanted to say is 'You've never seen Padme after a round of intense lovemaking,' but he kept that entirely to himself. Instead, he changed the subject and focused on Artoo. "Artoo...stay with the ship. Keep the comm on and if I give you code 5, initiate the homing beacon."

This time Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "Homing beacon?"

"You said I might have to walk home. I'd prefer a ride if possible."

"Not so sure of your mechanical repair abilities are you?" Obi-Wan replied in Yoda-like fashion.

"Totally sure of my mechanical skills, just not sure of the ship's ability to hold together. I don't have enough plexi-tape to bind the whole thing together."

"Plexi-tape?"

"Hey, it held one of my podracer's engines together once and at max speed mind you."

"And how did you fare in that race?"

"Crashed into a Bantha."

"Crashed into a BANTHA!?" Obi-Wan responded, the surprise in his voice very evident.

"Guts all over. Wasn't pretty. I'd rather not talk about it."

Obi-Wan shook his head. There was no end to the strangeness of his partner and once-padawan! Obi-Wan opened his ship's storage hatch and gathered some gear. Anakin did the same.

"I saw an abandoned Republic outpost northeast of here...within walking distance. We'll go there first."

"Could be a trap." Anakin commented.

"Always a trap. And what do we always do with traps?"

"Spring them." Anakin answered with no thought whatsoever.

"Like a Corellian mouse to Alderaanian cheese."

"I hate Alderaanian cheese."

"I know you do Anakin. Bad comparison?"

"Yes."

"Your turn then." Obi-Wan said as the two Jedi began their trek through the grassland and into forest cover.

"I can't think right now. I need to do something I just remembered I had to do. Excuse me a moment." Anakin replied as he suddenly remembered a certain bodily need. He walked a short distance away and found suitable shrubbary. Obi-Wan only shook his head and waited.

Suddenly Obi-Wan heard the distinctive hum of a lightsaber igniting. Immidiately he charged in Anakin's direction.

Upon reaching Anakin, he found the Jedi Knight straddled atop some being, his lightsaber to its neck.

"Anakin?"

At the sound of Obi-Wan's voice, Anakin disengaged and switched his lightsaber off. He then grabbed the being by its clothing near its neck and hoisted it to a standing position. Using his greater physical stregth and size, he powered the being towards a tree and pinned it. "Now...WHO are you and why did you attack me!?" he asked gruffly.

The helmeted being gasped and struggled.

"Not a talker eh? Fine, I can answer my own question." Anakin replied as he continued to pin the being with a leg and his mechanical hand while freeing up his flesh hand. He then undid the straps to the helmet and forcefully removed it. A human female was revealed, not much older than himself.

Obi-Wan whistled. "What is it with you and females Anakin?"

Dropping the helmet and stripping her of her armed utility belt, Anakin then released her, but didn't give her enough distance to escape. "I ask again, WHO are you?"

"Just a bounty hunter. My name's not important. You're the Jedi, Skywalker?"

"What's it to you? You sent to assissinate me?"

"Hardly. I was sent to FIND you. And the other Jedi there must be General Kenobi?"

"Do you delight in jumping a Jedi as he tries to relieve himself?" Anakin sternly asked out of curiousity.

"You were in a vulnerable situation. Always best to deal with quarry at their weakest moments." the bounty hunter replied and very nearly with a suggestive wink. She kept the wink in check however. These were Jedi, not some usual ruffian or easy-catch wayward pilot. Her seductive charms wouldn't even be noticed by the Republic's elite peace keepers.

"See Obi-Wan, a Jedi can't even piss in peace these days!"

"I told you that you should've went when we stopped for fuel at that last space depot."

" I didn't have to go then."

"Of course not. You had to buy that tankard of Naboonian water. You had to go after drinking that entire thing correct?"

"I was thirsty and I happen to like Naboonian water. Is that a crime?"

"No crime. Just eerie coincidence." Obi-Wan commented with a suggestive tone that he was actually talking about something else.

"Don't start."

"Then don't continue."

Meanwhile, the female bounty hunter couldn't believe that these two hooligan Jedi were actually the legendary Kenobi and Skywalker..scourge to the Separatists and two-man army responsible for tilting the war back in the Republic's favor.

to be continued...